Today, the Washington Redskins beat the Philadelphia Eagles setting them up for a division title showdown with their archrivals, the red zone, goal posts, and the Dallas Cowboys. A win would give the Skins their first division title since 1999, a year noted by scares from Y2K and Prince. It's not entirely necessary for the Skins to win this game. They could still make the playoffs with a loss from: the Giants, the Vikings, the Seahawks, the Bears, and the DeMatha Catholic Stags, the second and third coming of Jesus Christ, and the birth of Khole Kardashian's baby by Kanye West.
Why the Redskins will win this game:
Using some statistical methods I learned from watching "Moneyball", I have found that including home field advantage, the Skins are a 3.5 point favorite to beat Dallas, 29.5 - 26 (that extra point of course coming from a really pretty field goal by Kai Forbath, like if field goal kickers played horse, that would be the kind of field goal he would kick). They also beat the Cowboys on their turf in Dallas earlier this year (and, to add insult to injury, probably set their big screen on a loop endlessly on soft core porn). Finally, the coach has stated that if they lose, then nobody makes the team next year, Lane Smith from "The Mighty Ducks" style. Evidently, Mike Shanahan has also been able to make playing for the Redskins a privilege, a prestigious position. This is the same team that couldn't beat the Detroit Lions in 2009. Good job, Mike!
Why the Redskins will lose this game:
Because I want them to win. Because they're from DC. Because it would bring happiness to millions of people. The only thing worse than seeing grown men weep is to see them weep while masked in pig snouts and blonde wigs and dresses. I fully expect the outcome of this game to result in the tearing of RG3's ACL and LCL, temporarily injuring the human parts of his robot body. Hopefully the team that built RG3 is giving him the adequate upgrades and patches to make it through this game. The only real hope the Redskins have is for Tony Romo to have team senility and accidentally throw the ball to the Skins like five or six times.
It would be nice to see a 'Skins victory on Sunday, but I'm not holding my breath. I've blacked out too many times for DC teams. Just play a good game, Washington. Hail to the Redskins!
Why the Redskins will win this game:
Using some statistical methods I learned from watching "Moneyball", I have found that including home field advantage, the Skins are a 3.5 point favorite to beat Dallas, 29.5 - 26 (that extra point of course coming from a really pretty field goal by Kai Forbath, like if field goal kickers played horse, that would be the kind of field goal he would kick). They also beat the Cowboys on their turf in Dallas earlier this year (and, to add insult to injury, probably set their big screen on a loop endlessly on soft core porn). Finally, the coach has stated that if they lose, then nobody makes the team next year, Lane Smith from "The Mighty Ducks" style. Evidently, Mike Shanahan has also been able to make playing for the Redskins a privilege, a prestigious position. This is the same team that couldn't beat the Detroit Lions in 2009. Good job, Mike!
Why the Redskins will lose this game:
Because I want them to win. Because they're from DC. Because it would bring happiness to millions of people. The only thing worse than seeing grown men weep is to see them weep while masked in pig snouts and blonde wigs and dresses. I fully expect the outcome of this game to result in the tearing of RG3's ACL and LCL, temporarily injuring the human parts of his robot body. Hopefully the team that built RG3 is giving him the adequate upgrades and patches to make it through this game. The only real hope the Redskins have is for Tony Romo to have team senility and accidentally throw the ball to the Skins like five or six times.
It would be nice to see a 'Skins victory on Sunday, but I'm not holding my breath. I've blacked out too many times for DC teams. Just play a good game, Washington. Hail to the Redskins!
No comments:
Post a Comment