Players have begun looking for greener pastures in...Russia. The allure of making 2/3 of their salary in magical Moscow, lovely Leningrad, and novel Novosibirsk was too overwhelming for most players as they join the KHL, which sounds like an ice hockey spy league (hey, the KGB needs family entertainment too). The Great 8 is already lighting up the boards by steamrolling players and splashing ice shavings on kids his own size now.
The beauty of the KHL is the naming convention of their teams, which sound like foreign knockoffs of Mega Man X bosses or X-Men characters. There's the Avtomobilist Yekaterinburg, Metallurg Magnetogorsk, and the Sparken Mandrillk Chelyabinsk. (Quicksilver Storm Eagleburg will be an expansion team next year.)
With a KHL season only lasting 52 games, Alexander Semin might have enough extra energy to lead his team to Gagarin victory, as long as he is told that in the KHL there is no playoff and it's normal for the season to end with teams playing each other four to seven times in a row. He is reportedly happy to be back playing for his old military team, according to sources to him as the military assured us he was unavailable for comment, ever.
Each team will be paying their players through the entirety of the lockout. Not wasting time and being most resourceful, Ilya Kovalchuk has already bought a house in the Newark of Russia, St. Petersburg.
Evgeni Malkin has gone on record as stating he wishes for a quick end to the lockout as misses the warm winters of Pittsburgh.
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