I subscribe to my first high school's weekly e-mail, just because I like to be somewhat associated with success and they didn't disappoint. Their hockey team, in a school with no rink and really no ice, save for the occasional "Storm of the Century", beat a rival, 6-4. It occurred to me that at that level, there really is no pettiness or squabbling, save for the normal pettiness and squabbling that is to be expected out of high schoolers, but nothing at the caliber as seen by their professional counterparts. It occurred to me that one of the fundamental high school sports can exist is because of the undying power, the control that is bestowed upon the unspoken leaders of the sports world...the sports mom.
At first glance, the sports mom is in charge of just snacks. This is a common mistake (and punishable by murder) The sports mom is in charge of everything. She ensures that everyone is safe at all times and that wounds are treated with a good blend of medicine, ointment, and spit. She ensures that everyone plays a fair and regulated game by unrelentingly getting into the faces of refs. She ensures that bad calls are known by shrieking her shrill voice across the land until her wraith call is rewarded with the correct ruling on the field. She is willing to go the extra distance to see her little boy happy.
What we need is all the Canadian moms grilling up Canadian bacon and getting ready to say "aboot" a lot. We need the Swedish moms to be prepared with their finest meatballs and fingers ready to snap the neck of a ref like a peace of Ikea furniture. We need the Russian moms to prepare their magical water that is totally not vodka and prepare themselves to kick some baboushka. They will diplomatically show the owners' moms the errors of their ways and when that doesn't work, rip the players' contracts out of their hands and beat the owners' moms with them, as all true sports justice should unfold.
Moms of the sporting world, we salute you. And we thank you in advance for salvaging our hockey season. We also really want orange slices and Capri Sun.
At first glance, the sports mom is in charge of just snacks. This is a common mistake (and punishable by murder) The sports mom is in charge of everything. She ensures that everyone is safe at all times and that wounds are treated with a good blend of medicine, ointment, and spit. She ensures that everyone plays a fair and regulated game by unrelentingly getting into the faces of refs. She ensures that bad calls are known by shrieking her shrill voice across the land until her wraith call is rewarded with the correct ruling on the field. She is willing to go the extra distance to see her little boy happy.
What we need is all the Canadian moms grilling up Canadian bacon and getting ready to say "aboot" a lot. We need the Swedish moms to be prepared with their finest meatballs and fingers ready to snap the neck of a ref like a peace of Ikea furniture. We need the Russian moms to prepare their magical water that is totally not vodka and prepare themselves to kick some baboushka. They will diplomatically show the owners' moms the errors of their ways and when that doesn't work, rip the players' contracts out of their hands and beat the owners' moms with them, as all true sports justice should unfold.
Moms of the sporting world, we salute you. And we thank you in advance for salvaging our hockey season. We also really want orange slices and Capri Sun.
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