Thursday, November 29, 2012

Day 72 - How the Mascots are Faring, Part 1


Nobody has had it worse than the fans. Second in line are the mascots, who are completely lost without a clamoring congregation to conduct and toss t-shirts to. Here's are what some of them are doing in their free time.

Al the Octopus (Detroit Red Wings)- With his eight arms extended, now serves as Gary Bettman's right hand man with determining which direction to take the NHL.

Bailey the Lion (Los Angeles Kings) - Works part time as the MGM mascot. Is up for the part of Aslan in an upcoming Narnia film.

Bernie the St. Bernard (Colorado Avalanche) - Like a good St. Bernard, brings flasks of alcohol to lost fans.

Carlton the Bear (Toronto Maple Leafs) - Started an initiative to get "Noozles" back on Nickelodeon.

Fin the Whale (Vancouver Canucks) - Was picked up by SeaWorld who attached a cardboard dorsal fin on him and now touts him as the world's largest shark.

Gnash the Sabre-Toothed Tiger (Nashville Predators) - With the arena operated by a low-key staff and barely any visible fans, Gnash assumes this is business as usual.

Harvey the Hound (Calgary Flames) - Just like the Flames, has already burnt out for the season.

Howler the Coyote (Phoenix Coyotes) - The subject of a Sarah McLachlan documentary, still looking for someone to adopt him.

Iceburgh the Penguin (Pittsburgh Penguins) - Found a spot on the Steelers defense after campaigning, "I will sink quarterbacks like the Titanic."

Louie the Blue Polar Bear (St. Louis Blues) - Has been taken by the ASPCA for observation until he returns to his natural white.

Mick E. Moose (Winnipeg Jets) - Was last seen hanging out with Danny Duck and Fluke Skyrunner at Wally World.

N.J. Devil (New Jersey Devil) - Sits atop Donald Fehr's left shoulder to assist him with negotiations.

Nordy the Toxic Space Mutant Bear Fox (Minnesota Wild) - After taking a 20% pay cut, quit his job to go work at a Chuck E. Cheese's.

Coronus the Solar Flare (Dallas Stars) - Hired as a temp at a local solar cell plant.

Derek the Grease Monkey (Edmonton Oilers) - Helps Taylor Hall, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, and Nail Yakupov with their driving lessons.

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