The Iron Man of hockey, Teemu Selanne, may not return to play for the NHL if this lockout cancels the entire season. Hockey's centaganarian has decided that his storied eighty year career, a career which covers every Gary Bettman lockout, a strike, and some minor inconveniences when the concession stands were short-staffed, will no longer be worth the wear and tear on his hip replacement for his hip replacement, his hand-cranked pacemaker, or his vintage dentures. In his defense, his Model T does not run as well as it used to. This is a god among men and a notable loss to the NHL if he does not return to professional hockey. He will reportedly be spending more time with his kids, volunteering, and playing for the Ottawa Senators.
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