Day 69 - Parliamentary, my dear Pahlsson

Overwhelmed with the agony of an overdrawn and prolonged lockout, the Canadian players of the game took it upon themselves to complain to the highest authority outside of their maternal attachments, the Parliament. Honestly, the players would have been better off starting an Internet petition that said "Bring Back the Hockey" or writing a letter to Aslan begging him to bring back Canada's beloved pastime, but you can't blame the stick-wielding jocks for trying their best to get any form of intervention on this work stoppage. I doubt the Parliament even has time to address the NHL players, with their domestic policy priorities mostly laying with gender equality and creating a force of Womounties and a strong female labor force that can bring home the Canadian bacon, as much as a man. If Manon Rheaume isn't doing anything, maybe she can open the doors for the fellas, getting them to bring more female goalies to the sport in the process.

Anyway, here's what the letter read:
Dear Government Dudes:
We totally want to play hockey again and we're not going to take no for an answer or any forms of no, like "not a chance" or "negative" or "not yes" or "nuh-uh" or "maybe, with a but". And we really mean it this time. We're the only league in all of professional sports that gets games canceled like a Fox TV show. We would like for you to step in and talk to Gary Bettman and tell him to stop being a meanie. It's not fair to our fans, local businesses, our wallets, anybody. We all feel the pain of the insensitive Bettman and want you to talk or beat some sense into him with your phenomenal government powers.
Thanks so much, Government Dudes.
Signed,
Hockey