The NHL has officially declared the first two weeks of the regular season completely and utterly canceled, which is weird, since I thought the Winter Classic was in January and the Twitterverse is in consensus that's the official beginning of the 2012-2013 season (There will be massive crunching of 2012 games to ensure that part of the year was played).
This gives me ample free time to write my nastygram to Gary Bettman. Here's a sneak peek of what I have written so far:
Dear Gary Bettman,
Boooooooooooooooooooooo.
{to be read in your head throughout this letter}
{to be read in your head throughout this letter}
You suck ice. Yes, that is an allusion to Mighty Ducks 3. This is what level at which my personal fandom now presides. I spend my days and nights watching hockey movies and Stanley Cup finals, pretending I don't know all the dialogue as I mouth along with it, but it just isn't the same (the scrappy team with a never-say-die attitude that isn't the Caps wins), although that Chris Phillips goal never seems to get old.
Mr. Bettman, this is the third lockout under your tutelage, which gives you the record of most labor stoppages under a major league commissioner. Congratulations. You're in the history books and a Wiki article and a Sporcle quiz. Now stop. Please.
I know you want things to be more fair for small-market teams and your plan to move every market from Canada to the US to make every team a small-market team was a pretty decent if not diabolical plan. With the money was the one or two or seven record breaking years you've had, I'm sure you and the other owners can finally afford your own personal Legion of Doom lair.
As a die-hard hockey fan who has followed the organization from the beginning of the Washington Capitals campaign, way back in 2005, I urge you to find a peace, bring this lockout to a close, and find some other way to underpay your players.
Thank boo,
JamJars
Thank boo,
JamJars
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