Saturday, October 13, 2012

Day 28 - Minor League Superstars: Sweet, This Place Has a Walmart!

The AHL season started last night with all of the lesser players representing the lesser cities in the realm of hockey. Given the current state of superstar hockey, many players with two-way contracts (meaning these athletes can go in between their main squad and farming franchise without fear of being picked up by the New York Islanders, poor Nabokov) are filling up the rosters of their minor league analogue while they await the end of the lockout.

I can't imagine it's easy for an AHL player to make the transition from the national spotlight to hockey's version of open-mic night. (Hey, guys! How many Caps does it take to screw in a lightbulb in the playoffs? None, their caddy does it for them! - Ryan Nugent-Hopkins) For instance, in the NHL you may be thrown under the bus after having a bad night or just to be a scapegoat for a team's abysmal loss. In the AHL, when you're thrown under the bus, it's because that's how you get to away games. Diet also takes its toll as players get used to their new salaries. Rather than dining on the finest food and the freshest imported seafood, players instead eat Swedish Fish. Rookies aren't hazed into the teams by buying his teammates drinks on tap. He treats them to the finest jellybeans and the freshest Pepsi that Hamilton can offer. Sean Avery has volunteered to help players adapt to the AHL lifestyle in the same way that people in communist countries vote for their fearless leaders.

I like to think the AHL is a lot like the "Mighty Ducks", with a bunch of players and parents yelling at each other for not being good, but it's probably a lot more like "The Big Green", wherein the players and parents make their own pads with duct tape and spit and because I'm pretty sure there is a team called the "Elma Nothings". The fan bases are a little different as well. Instead of being hardcore season ticket holders, with an  undying loyalty and devotion to the team, AHL fans are typically people who won a t-shirt and tickets from a radio show trivia contest that became a desperate giveaway when it became apparent that the guesser new nothing about Skrillex and Pokemon.

On a more positive note, with major league arenas left empty with nothing to fill them but monster truck rallies, antiques festivals, and NBA games, the AHL is cashing in by moving a few games over to their superstar counterparts, so I'll at least get to see one Staal play this season.

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