I went to sleep with blood in mouth and now there’s blood in hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on Mike Green's Vespa and by mistake I dropped my jersey in sink while the water run and I could tell it was going to be terrible, horrible, no good, very bad lockout.
At breakfast John Carlson found a Chevy Cobra car in his twenty-car car garage and Nick Backstrom found a Rolls Royce in his twenty-car car garage but in my twenty-car car garage all I found was twenty-cars.
I think I’ll move to Albania.
In the bus coach let Jason Chimera have a seat by window. Jeff Schultz and Tom Poti got seats by window too. I say I am scrunched. I say I am smushed. I say, If I don’t get seat by window I stay in Russia. No one even answered.
I could tell it was going to be terrible, horrible, no good, very bad lockout.
At practice Adam Oates liked Jay Beagle’s picture of sailboat better than my picture of invisible Stanley Cup.
At singing time he say I sing too loud. At counting time he say I leave out twenty-eight. Who needs twenty-eight?
I could tell it was going to be terrible, horrible, no good, very bad lockout.
I could tell because Brooks Laich say I not his best friend anymore. He say that Mathieu Perreault was his best friend and that Mike Ribeiro was next best friend and that I was only third best friend.
I hope you sit on a two-way contract, I say to Brooks Laich. I hope the next time you get a bacon double cheeseburger the burger part falls off the bacon part and lands in Albania.
There were two cupcakes in Braden Holtby’s lunch bag and Michal Neuvirth got a Hershey bar with almonds and Dmitry Orlov’s mother gave him a piece of jelly roll that had little coconut sprinkles on the top. Guess whose mother forgot to put in dessert?
It was terrible, horrible, no good, very bad lockout.
That’s what it was, because after practice coach took us all to dentist and Dr. Crentist found cavities just in me. I have four teeth. All of them, cavities. Come back next week and I’ll fix it, say Dr. Crentist.
Next week, I say, I go to Albania.
On the way downstairs elevator door closed on my foot and while we were waiting for my agent to go get the car John Carlson made me fall on the ice where it was concrete and then when I started crying because of the concrete Nick Backstrom said I was a crybaby Jeff Carter and
While I was punching Nick Backstrom for saying crybaby my agent came back with the car and scolded me for being a crybaby Jeff Carter and being third man in for fighting.
I am having terrible, horrible, no good, very bad lockout, I told everybody. No one even answered.
So then we went to skate store to buy some skates. John Carlson chose red and white ones with blue stripes. Nick Backstrom chose red and blue ones with white stripes. I chose blue and white ones with red stripes but then the show man said, We’re all sold out. They made me buy blue, black, and gold ones, but they can’t make me wear them.
When we picked up my George McPhee at his office he said I couldn’t play with his copying machine, but I forgot. He also said to watch out for the playbooks on his desk, and I was as careful as could be except for my elbow and shoulder and torso and stick and skates. He also said don’t fool around with his blackberry, but I think I called Albania and traded Joey Crabb for cheap textiles. George McPhee said please don’t pick him up anymore.
It was terrible, horrible, no good, very bad lockout.
There was escargot for dinner and I hate escargot.
There was kissing on jumbotron and I hate getting caught kissing.
My bath was too hot, I got soap in my eyes, my KGB decoder ring went down the drain, and I had to wear my Kwame Brown signed Washington Wizard pajamas. I hate my Kwame Brown signed Washington Wizard pajamas.
When I went back to bed Nick Backstrom took back the pillow he said I could keep and the Slapshot night light burned out and I bit my tongue.
The cat wants to sleep with John Carlson, not me.
It has been terrible, horrible, no good, very bad lockout.
Coach says some days are like that.
Even in Albania.
No comments:
Post a Comment