Not knowing anything about the industry of figure skating, I'm basing this entire article that they really don't do much of anything for the four years between Olympics except for excruciatingly training for sixteen hours a day to classical music. Knowing all of that, figure skaters would be perfect as temporary replacements for hockey teams in some small form of scrub league. It would be perfect! Clearly, they have the grueling training schedule down, so we would just have to condition them to a terrible travel schedule, so we would mimic the trail seen by the teams in the Southeast Division. Figure skaters are known for their eloquence, demeanor, and finesse, none of which is at all useful to hockey players, so we would just have to dope them up with the leftover steroids from Major League Baseball or the Flyers-Pens playoff series this year. Figure skaters are already used to wearing terribly outlandish uniforms, so we'd drum up the uniforms the Sabres wore in 2006 for their personal use. As far as I know, figure skating doesn't pay very well and figure skaters aren't very appreciated outside of a rink, so these new found players would very quickly find themselves in the hearts of the owners. Finally, I think hearing "What Would Brian Boitano Do" or some derivation thereof would be an instant institution and bring in a new cadre of fans to the game.
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